I’m an addict.
Oprah addict.
While I work the day away in my home office, I keep Oprah’s Lifeclass and Webcasts running in the background (my friends make fun of me for this) to keep myself saturated with light, truth and introspection – so totally nourishing!
Recently, while I was re-listening to Oprah chat with Martha Beck, expert at empowered living, during her October 13th webcast titled, “The Truth Will Set You Free,” I heard something that deeply resonated with me. A webcast viewer joined the discussion by sharing a secret she’s been keeping, she said, “I want a divorce from my husband, but I’m afraid of being alone.” Sound familiar?
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of “I want out” and “I’m afraid of being alone”? I have. This webcast viewer had the courage to speak a truth many of us have felt.
While the viewer’s courage inspired me, what REALLY got me was Martha’s response, she said, “If you want a divorce, you’re already alone.” WHOA! OK, let’s say that again and really let it settle…If I want OUT of my relationship, but stay for fear of being alone, I’m already alone in this relationship.
Martha’s response elicited two immediate reactions from me, 1) I felt sad at the thought of how many people have told themselves the lie, “Because I’m with someone, I’m not alone,” and 2) It empowered me to say “Fear? What fear?! I’m living through my fear right now and making it each day. Screw fear! I’ll continue to make it each day outside of this relationship – only better.” Hello, looking to leaping!
Ladies, here is the rock-bottom TRUTH ABOUT LONELINESS – loneliness has nothing to do with the presence or absence of another person. I swear. We often like to disempower ourselves with the thought that someone else controls whether or not we feel lonely. Total crap. Loneliness isn’t about the absence of another person, loneliness springs from a disconnect within ourselves; it’s a sign that our relationship with ourselves needs attention.
Have you been single and said, “I’m so alone, why can’t I find a great girl/guy?!” The reality is, when you fill yourself up with love, joy, contentment, passion, career…whatever fills you, that fullness attracts people into your life like a high-powered magnet. When you walk around lonely, despaired, and empty – who wants to be around that? Not me. No thanks.
I moved from Wisconsin to DC about 5 years ago and it was just me, myself and I (incidentally, I listened to that song on repeat). I felt totally lonely; no friends, no family, new everything. It wasn’t until I made the decision to pull myself out of a ‘pity-party-for-1’ and start exploring and enjoying this great city, by myself, that I started attracting people into my life. I made the choice to see that period of my life as a great opportunity to learn more about me and enjoy pushing myself out of my comfort zone; I chose to tip the scales towards joy and less towards pity.
It worked.
When those lonely periods of my life come along now, and they do, my gut tells me it’s an opportunity to dig-in and love on me. The rest falls perfectly into place. If you are in a relationship or situation that you feel stuck in for fear of being alone when you leave, ask yourself – am I already alone? It’s a tough question to ask, but worth it. Now is the time to take back your power – loneliness is simply an emotion, within your control, and not a life-long sentence. Make the choice to reconnect with you – loneliness be gone! I promise, when you feel whole the right people (note: that relationship you don’t really love being in is not it) will want to share that great space with you.
See you in class…Lifeclass! xo
