Tomboy, energetic and goofy is how Sonya Lowery, founder and host of World Next Door, describes herself.  I’d add kind, beautiful and ambitious to the list.

After launching and sustaining a successful graphic design business, becoming a published author all while raising her two children, Sonya burned for a career of passion; for fulfillment and adventure.  With the support of her family, she created Sonya Lowery’s World Next Door, an online television show, sharing local area adventures that prove to her audience that adventure is closer than you think – in your own backyard.

Immediately after meeting with Sonya for our interview, I took out my notepad and wrote, “When you have a dream, you make a way.”  A phrase that captures the path she’s on – an inspiration to every woman unwilling to give up on their dreams.

BUSINESS

SG: How did you prepare to start your own business? 

SL: I had a partner and kept my full-time job while we started our graphic design business. After a couple of years, I found out that [my partner] was spending more money than we made; it wasn’t smart business so I broke off and started my own business.  That was 8-9 years ago.

SG: Did you find branching out on your own, leaving your business partner, scary?

SL: No, that was actually easy.  It felt like an anchor had been lifted from around my neck; it felt like I could fly.

SG: What made you successful when so many small business start-ups fail?

SL: I didn’t spend everything that I brought in.  You cannot consume your way into wealth, you have to save something. What I consider success, however, may be different for someone else; success for me is being able to work from home and be there for my kids when they get home from school.

CROSSROADS

SG: Has hosting an adventure travel show always been a dream? 

SL: No, but I have always wanted to do television.  When I was young, I’d see people [on TV] like Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence having fun and bringing people along for the ride. I think things are much more enjoyable when you’re among friends like they were.

SG: Producing a show is no easy task, do you have help?

SL: I have my dad who is the executive producer and my brother who is the sound man/camera man.  We have friends in television so we started out borrowing cameras and equipment – it kind of just came together after that.

SG: When have you stood at a professional crossroads?

SL: I’m at the crossroads right now actually. I’m at a BIG crossroads right now…..I’m trying to do a big push with World Next Door. It’s at the point where I feel like it has to happen - through hell or high water, it has to happen.

SG: It takes that one door.

SL: Sometimes you need a little bit of a boost because you feel down like you just can’t do it anymore – or the task seems too big and the hurdles too high. You’re getting beaten down every day by everybody – but it’s preparing you for bigger things.  I look at Beyoncé and I look at Oprah, I look at people who have been in it for so long and they wanted it so badly that they kept going until it happened.  I am determined.

BRANDING

SG: You wrote The Secret Language of Business Cards about branding your business.  What are a few top secrets to branding?

SL: Everything starts with a logo and a business card; it’s your first impression, [consider] the logo and the paper, what you say on [the card], even your email address.  If [your email address] is something at yahoo.com or hotmail.com then I think, “Okay, you’re not really running a business, you have a hobby.”  Also, stick to one thing.  I have a friend who started a business and wanted to do real estate, he also wanted to add styling and something else and I said, “Stop right there!  You can’t pick all three.  Start off with the one that will give you the surest footing.” If you’re a jack of all trades no one is going to hire you for anything.  Let people know, this is what my expertise is.

LIFE FULFILLED

SG: You’ve said you’re pursuing a ‘life fulfilled.’ What would that look like for you?

SL: It sounds really corny, but I envision being on my deathbed with my grand-kids walking up to my bedroom. They’re passing a wall of pictures where I am flying a plane or scuba diving with sharks; they’re looking at all of the pictures and they say “Damn, Grandma was a badass!” To me, that is what a full life looks like – I’m doing everything I can to make that happen. I’m trying to expose my kids to all those things too so that they’ll have that sense of adventure and they won’t be afraid to try anything at least once.

BEST ADVICE

SG: Finish this statement: I wish I could tell my 20-year old self that…

SL: To be quite honest, I would tell myself to stay in school – I have three years of college that equate to one full year. I changed my mind too much. I thought to myself, “I can write, I could be a photographer, I could be a chef, or an artist”… and I could be really good at all of them.  For me, choosing one thing wasn’t going to happen. I would tell my 20-year old self, ‘Pick something already and get that degree!’

SG: And when they look back on your life, they’ll say “Sonya did…”

SL: It all!

xo – Stephanie

It’s the season of love – Happy Valentine’s Day – and who better to talk to then the first lady of reality love, Trista Sutter. 

We were first introduced to Trista as a contestant on  season 1 of The Bachelor. She finished runner-up, but won the hearts of America and was rewarded with her own chance to find love as The Bachelorette.  Her final rose went to Ryan Sutter and on December 6, 2003, the couple was married. Two children later -Max, 4, and Blakesley Grace, 2- Trista has created a whole life she loves; masterfully using the opportunities afforded her by fame to bring her professional passions to life.

Stephanie chats it up with Trista on how this gorgeous mom-of-two balances family and career, her advice for working moms, plus her take on the evolution of The Bachelor – when you read on.

SG: How has starring in Season 1 of the Bachelorette helped or hindered your career as a businesswoman and in what ways?  

TS: It has completely changed my career.  Before the show, I was a pediatric physical therapist and I have no reason to think I wouldn’t have stayed in that profession until retirement.  Taking the risk and asking for a leave of absence, changed the course of my entire life.  

SG: You’re beautiful with an equally gorgeous husband and two small children, where do you find the time to pursue your career passions with Vintage Couture Inc.?  What gets compromised in your juggle?  

TS: #1…I ask for help if I need it.  I’m not too proud to beg, and luckily I have in-laws who love their grandkids and can come up to play “trusted sitter” every so often.   #2…I take advantage of ANY and all the time I can where the kids are sleeping or at school in attempting to get my work done.  We [with husband Ryan Sutter] don’t have a manager or publicist, so I work on that as well as designing for Vintage Couture, Inc.  I won’t say that it’s easy, and if anything gets compromised, it’s me.  On the priority list, my needs are WAY toward the bottom, but truly my needs are all about everyone else’s, so it’s all good.

SG: You are now designing for a beautiful children’s clothing line, Vintage Couture, what can mom’s expect from your fashion line?  

TS: Vintage Couture is a children’s clothing that was started based on vintage patterns.  My involvement with them started after they had a successful business and I was just brought along to join in the fun.  I thought it would be incredible to not only design something and use my creative juices, but to also do something in which I could see the fruits of my labor on my kids.  They look adorable in VC’s clothing…that is, when they let me dress them!  Women and moms can expect one-of-a-kind prints and patterns that will make you, your princes, and especially your princesses stand out in a crowd.  They can also expect to help support working moms who have started their own Fashion Stylist business as well as the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation to where we donate a percentage of the profits from my designs.  

SG: What advice would you give working women and/or mothers who want to start their own business?  

TS: There are SO many avenues out there for working women and mothers these days. I think it’s a matter of really knowing yourself and what makes you happy and researching the opportunities out there.  Vintage Couture, like so many other direct sales companies, allows mothers to personally raise their children and also contribute to their family’s bank account through super fun parties and adorable clothing.  I’ve worked in direct sales and got involved specifically so that I could continue to be home with my babies, but also feel like I was using my adult brain cells…and that felt great.  Go for it and believe in yourself!!

SG: Change of topics!  What are your feelings about how the Bachelor(ette) show has evolved?

TS: I’m not necessarily a fan of how things are handled these days, but I will say that I am thoroughly entertained.  Bottomline, I’ll always be a fan (and tweeting every Monday night it’s on @tristasutter) because it reminds me of how I fell in love with my husband and that all things are possible in love.  

SG: Finish this statement: I wish I could tell my 20-year old self that…

TS: …everything truly does happen for a reason.  Heartbreak and loneliness are no fun, but they have a purpose and will get you to a world of dreams come true for you so stay the course and be grateful.  

 YES – many wishes that you find love in your whole life; personal, professional and beyond!

Follow Trista on Twitter and visit Vintage Couture Inc.

xo-Stephanie Goetsch

Navigating “This isn’t it” and “Now What“?! 

Stephanie offers 1:1 consulting support for women ready to re-enter the workforce of change career paths. 

To break-through into a career you’re passionate about, we will focus on:

• >Identify and prepare for a career you’re passionate about
• >Grab hold of a rapidly changing economy & job market
  
• >Prepare a resume that gets you noticed & showcases your greatest strengths in any industry
  
• >Master interview questions about transitions, time away, layoffs and more

Stephanie’s top priority is to prepare you to move through your professional crossroads with more than just inspiration and information, but hands-on products; a vision board for next steps, polished resume, industry contacts and real interview practice.

 Ready for a break-through?  Submit your contact form below to get started with your 60-Minute BREAK-THROUGH CONSULTATION.  Consultation available in-person (Washington, DC metro area), phone or via Skype.

Why Stephanie?

Stephanie Goetsch, PHR, AIRS, Transition Expert, guides people through their personal and professional crossroads as the founder of HerExchange.com.  In addition to providing career advice to her audience on HerExchange, Stephanie interviews experts, activists and celebrities about their own personal and professional crossroads and successes as a beacon for readers navigating their own significant life transitions.   Stephanie is also a small business contributing writer for YFS Magazine, Urban Girl Squad and The Daily Muse.

Stephanie has spent nearly a decade as a Human Resources Expert, placing hundreds of “the right candidates in the right job” as a recruiter for both non-profit and for-profit organizations in the U.S., China, Brazil and India.  She has facilitated career preparation and transition workshops for students and professionals at employers such as Capital One (formally, Chevy Chase Bank) and United States Pharmacopeia, plus educational institutions throughout the east coast.  Stephanie holds Professional Human Resource certification (PHR) and Professional Recruiter Certification from AIRS, the industry’s only organization to qualify and certify professional recruiters.

Stephanie’s blend of real-world experience and professional accomplishments will help you pave the perfect path from looking to leaping.

But, let’s get real – it’s not always possible (or smart) to leave your current full-time job to start your dream job.  What about a paycheck, insurance, security and sanity?!

Luckily, it’s possible to keep your pay-check, insurance and sanity while still pursing your dreams by joining the hordes of women starting their dream business while working full-time. 

Yes, it’s a lot of work, but I promise, it’s possible.  Follow the 5 simple steps below to follow your entrepreneurial dreams while maintaining your full-time gig. 

1.      The Talk

Starting a business is a family affair that requires time, energy and sacrifice from everyone.  Sit down with your family and discuss your passion, vision and what achieving your dreams means to you and what it requires of them.  It might mean that your older children pitch in more around the house, or your husband cooks dinner (I think that’s a good idea regardless!), etc.  Keeping lines of communication open and making your family –kids, husband, partner, parents, siblings- a part of the process is not only inspirational for all but can save you from feeling spread too thin down the road.

2.      Money, Honey

While some start-up businesses require very minimal financial input, even the most low-budget of businesses requires some capital investment to get off the ground: business cards, equipment, website, production costs, etc.  Taking a hard look at finances early will keep you from jeopardizing your financial security a few months down the road.  Remember: starting a business, while juggling all the other things on your plate is tough – adding the constant fear of how rent will get paid each month is too much for even Wonder Woman; financial planning early helps you avoid financial instability and reach your dreams!

A. Get real about costs.  Create a list of every potential start-up cost.  This step requires time and research; get quotes, speak with vendors, talk to web developers – get a real picture of what your start-up will cost initially and throughout the first year (at least).

B. Simple Math.  Do the math, does your 1) monthly income, minus 2) bills, minus 3) monthly start-up costs add up?   

>If simple subtraction leaves you in the red every month, consider where you can save money.  For me it meant dumping cable and other “nice-to-haves” to save the extra cash.  For you, maybe it’s reducing your cell phone plan, eating out less or taking a year off from family vacations.  This is where having open communication with your family is critical; everyone must buy-in to the cost-saving measures.

>If you’ve cut everywhere you can cut and it still doesn’t work, consider elongating your start-up timeline.  Maybe you can’t buy all of your equipment, materials and a fancy website right away, but can you extend the purchase costs over 6 months and still be moving towards your goal?  Sounds like a smart option to me.

3.    Plan It Out

Adding a second job to your schedule requires a plan.  Start by taking 2 weeks to understand your current schedule – write down what you do and when; include everything from chatting on the phone with friends to running kids to dance class, cooking dinner and long hours at the office.  After two weeks sit down and evaluate; are there opportunities to save time here or there?  Where can you better maximize your time with organization or relying on the assistance of friends, spouse or a neighbor?  Juggling life AND two jobs requires tremendous organization and time management – now that you have a handle on the time you have available to dedicate to your business, create a timeline (or goal board) for your business – milestones you plan to reach – for at least the next 3-6 months.

>Need help getting organized?  I love Peter Bergman’s “18 minutes: Find your focus, Master Distraction, and Get the Right Things Done.”

>Need a little extra help?  I support women starting business across the country 1:1, contact me for more information – I would love to help your dreams come true!

4.      Policy Check

Many employers have “outside-work policies,” regulations about what type of work employees may hold outside of their 9-5.  Avoid putting yourself in a position down the road that jeopardizes your full-time job by avoiding this step!  Your employee handbook will clearly outline your company’s policy; review it and proceed accordingly.

If you are starting a business that has the potential to directly compete with your current employer -beware!  You could be breaching conflict of interest, intellectual property or even confidentiality agreements by building a similar business to your current employer.  Review all agreements you signed when you started your job to ensure you protect yourself.  If you don’t have the original agreements, simply call to Human Resources and request copies of all “new hire agreements.”  If you feel ANY amount of concern here, seek the opinion of outside counsel.  A small investment of time and money here may save you from a mess later on.

5.      Help, Please!

Exhausted yet?  It’s time for reinforcements!  To create, own and run a successful business, you don’t have to know it all – surround yourself with people that can help.  There are many free resources in your community to help.  My personal favorite is SCORE, free small business support, available in most communities, on a variety of subjects.  Not sure if you should establish your business as an LLC or Sole Proprietorship?  They can help.  What to do come tax time?  They can help.  Yes, you are Wonder Woman, but even Wonder Woman had gizmos and gadgets – save your sanity and get the help you need.

With these 5 simple steps, you’ll be well on your way to managing your start-up, while maintaining your current full-time job – and a life!  Good luck ladies!

If you’re ready to take the leap and want the support of someone that’s been there and done it – I’m here for you!  I work 1:1 with women ready to move from looking to leaping into their dream career.  Find out more about how I can help you HERE.

For more information on deciding if entrepreneurship is for you, click here for a short audio from me jam-packed with info to help you decide if now is the best time to launch your dream business. 

-Stephanie Goetsch, February 2012

At the crossroads of “looking” and “leaping“?! 

Stephanie offers 1:1 consulting support for ‘entrepreneurial hopefuls’ and small-business owners.  We will work together to pursue your business passion by leveraging your time, talents and resources. 

To discover new strategies for creating business break-through, we will focus on:

• >vision and clarity

• > identify self-limiting beliefs and ineffective habits

  > strategic marketing for bottom-line success

  > creating and maximizing revenue streams

  > attracting and retaining clients

Ready to break-through your crossroads to entrepreneurial success?  Submit your contact form below to get started with your 60-Minute BREAK-THROUGH CONSULTATION.  Consultation available in-person (Washington, DC metro area), phone or via Skype.

Following registration, you will receive a thorough questionnaire that will challenge you to get real about you and your business.  No cookie-cutter approach, each program is designed with the passion and vision of each woman and her business in mind.  Being an entrepreneur isn’t just about business, it’s about you.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.” – David Thoreau. This has always been my motto in life but somewhere between the entrepreneurial struggle and the comfort & ease that comes with aligning yourself with a corporate machine I lost sight of my life’s path and purpose. The voice that always propelled me to march to the beat of my own drummer; toward happiness, fulfillment, and passion had become a faint whisper. Then I met Stephanie, who like a guide at the crossroad cast a light on the path from which I had lost my way. Acting as inspirations sounding board Stephanie gave me perspective, and focus; inspiring me to leap into my best life!”

J. Allen Washington, DC Client

It’s time – move through your crossroads; from looking to leaping!

Stephanie offers business owners looking for more comprehensive, hands-on support consultative services to bring your vision to life including:

• >Uncovering your vision

• >Bring your vision to life in a comprehensive business plan

• >Executing marketing plans to drive bottom-line results

• >Strategic out-of-the-box thinking to uncover, and execute, innovative market opportunities that take your business to the next level

Submit your contact form below to get started – business opportunities are waiting!

Why Stephanie?

Stephanie Goetsch, PHR, AIRS, Transition Expert, guides people through their personal and professional crossroads as the founder of HerExchange.com.  In addition to providing career advice to her audience on HerExchange, Stephanie interviews experts, activists and celebrities about their own personal and professional crossroads and successes as a beacon for readers navigating their own significant life transitions.   Stephanie is also a small business contributing writer for YFS Magazine, Urban Girl Squad and The Daily Muse.

Stephanie has spent nearly a decade as a Human Resources Expert, placing hundreds of “the right candidates in the right job” as a recruiter for both non-profit and for-profit organizations in the U.S., China, Brazil and India.  She has facilitated career preparation and transition workshops for students and professionals at Capital One (formally, Chevy Chase Bank) and United States Pharmacopeia.  Stephanie holds Professional Human Resource certification (PHR) and Professional Recruiter Certification from AIRS, the industry’s only organization to qualify and certify professional recruiters.

Stephanie’s blend of real-world experience and professional accomplishments will help you pave the perfect path from looking to leaping.

Why is everyone obsessed with getting married? The research consistently proves that happily married people live longer, get sick less frequently, suffer from lower rates of depression, commit suicide less often, and report that they are happier than people who are unmarried. But, here’s the catch: all of these benefits go out the window when you’re in an unhappy marriage. Individuals who are unhappily married or in the process of divorce get sick more frequently, and report less happiness than single people.Therein lies the problem. Getting married is one of the best things we can do for our happiness and our longevity; unless of course it doesn’t work out, in which case it has the opposite effect.

So before we go wild trying to find “the one” and get hitched, here’s a summary on the effects of marriage: Being married is better than being single, but being single is much better than being unhappily married. So rushing into marriage? Not such a hot idea! It seems that we’re eager to reap the so-called benefits of marriage, but not so eager to wait for the right mate, and put in the hard work that is required to make marriage last! Having a happy marriage is a full-time job. It is a job that comes with some of the greatest benefits in the world, but it is a job nonetheless.

In order to have the type of marriage we dream about, and decry celebrities for failing to achieve, we must be excited about the benefits AND the work. If you’re not excited about the work, then perhaps you should re-think your enthusiasm about marriage and enjoy single life for a while! And while you’re at it, give your favorite divorced celeb a break; they are surely happier and healthier now that they’re single. We’re quick to judge the folks who give up on their marriage “too quickly,” but keep in mind that it takes two to tango! Demi more can go to couples counseling and read marriage books all day long, but if Ashton’s not into it, the relationship will never work. Furthermore, it is my personal and professional opinion that some people just marry the wrong person. It’s that simple. It wouldn’t matter how damn hard they worked with the therapist, or how many new religions they studied together, or how talented either partner was in bed – the relationship was doomed because both partners have deeply held values that cannot peacefully coexist.

So given the high instance of divorce and the risk associated with unhappy marriage, what do we do? Well first, do not marry the wrong guy! There are a number of very important questions enamored couples forget to ask before getting married. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions of someone you may sign an agreement to love for the rest of your life. Talk about religion, talk about family, talk about money, talk about housework, talk about sexism, talk about everything you need, want, and don’t want to do! And while living together pre-marriage is unnecessary, I do suggest taking an extended vacation with your potential mate. The truth is, you may still end up marrying the wrong person. Some partners never spill the beans about themselves until it’s too late, and some partners evolve into strange new animals that we didn’t sign-on to cherish. If that’s the case, once the chord is cut realize that you ARE better off alone, than unhappy with someone else. Also, most of the population is right there with ya!

The second thing we should do is learn to enjoy single life! Remember, you’re better off single than unhappily hitched and even if married people are statistically happier – that number is just an average. Aim to be the single girl that’s happier than all those married bitches! Do your thing. Enjoy life. Don’t stress about finding some dude to marry you, divorce is very expensive.

Finally, if and when you do find a man that absolutely adores you and your quirks, get to know everything about him. More importantly, let him in on all your “dirty little secrets.” Fight with him, have fun with him, introduce him to your family, go on a trip together, and clean the bathroom together. And if, after all that, you still want to marry this guy; and he still absolutely adores you. Get ready to work! Marriage is a deeply rewarding job, but there are loads of rewarding jobs out there. If marriage isn’t a job that you want, you’ve got plenty of other options sister!

SPECIAL THANKS to Sara Oliveri for this great post!

Sara specializes in relationship, family, and quality of life consulting. Sara is one of less than 300 people in the world to earn her Master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology – the scientific study of optimal human functioning. 

With her powerful background as a wellness coach and positive psychology practitioner, Sara equips individuals to build resilient families & relationships and to achieve their highest quality of life. Sara also coaches managers and executives to create an environment where employees work at peak productivity while building strong relationships.

Described by her clients as wise, practical, and inspirational, Sara empowers clients to create satisfying lives and strong relationships. Visit www.saraoliveri.com for more!

Move Through “Graduation” and “Now What“?! 

In today’s job market, it takes more than just a college degree to land the job of your dreams.  So what can you do to prepare?  Through preparation and practice, Stephanie’s career prep workshops prepare students and recent graduates with the knowledge and tools to ensure they’re prepared to:  

• >Identify and prepare for a career you’re passionate about
• >Land the internship that will open doors for you following graduation
• >Begin networking – it’s never too soon
• >Prepare a resume that gets you noticed for internships and beyond
• >Learn the art of first impressions & dressing for success
• >Interview like a pro to bring in the offer you deserve

Don’t wait for opportunity to come knocking at your door.  Let Stephanie help you navigate your road to personal and career success today!

Stephanie’s career management workshop series provides college students with the tools and confidence to move with ease from college to career. Whether it’s their ambition leading them to become their own boss or to climb the corporate ladder, Stephanie’s motivational approach combined with her extensive career in human resources will lead them down the path to success.

Stephanie’s workshops are offered to groups and can be tailored to fit the needs of your students.  Contact 202-573-9605 or Stephanie@HerExchange.com to discuss the options that are available.    Based on the size of your group, Stephanie will also enlist a team of professional recruiters to support the workshop.  The recruiters will provide each student with one on one support to answer their resume questions, practice techniques, etc.

Workshops available individually or as a series:

• > Pay for Passion – Not sure what to do after college? You aren’t alone.  Identify your true calling and go after a career you are passionate about
• > Networking 101 –It is about who you know; learn to network like a pro
• > Resume: Revamped – Build a resume that showcases your true talents and gets you noticed
  
• > Foot in the Door – Learn how to master first impressions, dress for success and interview with confidence
• > Close the Deal - How to negotiate the your package and accept the offer you deserve

After attending Stephanie’s workshops, students are ready to face their career challenges with polished resumes, a vision board for next steps, extensive interview techniques practice and most importantly, the confidence to meet their goals.

Contact Stephanie to schedule a speaking engagement or 1:1 session at  stephanie@HerExchange.com, 202-573-9605 or complete the contact form below. 

Meet Stephanie?

Stephanie Goetsch, PHR, AIRS, Career Management Professional & founder of HerExchange.com.

For nearly a decade, Stephanie has placed hundreds of candidates in the “right job” in the U.S. and abroad as a Human Resources Expert. In 2010, Stephanie took her passion for career transition management and love of entrepreneurship to the next level by launching HerExchange.com.  Since then, she’s facilitated career management workshops for students and professionals for companies, associations & educational institutions.

Now, Stephanie brings her practicality and passion to students as they move beyond their college crossroads.

For a more on Stephanie, visit About Stephanie.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry because you aren’t alone (which is good news, since you hate being left out!); experts call this new psychological phenomenon Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. 

With the mega influence of social media and internet access available everywhere, it’s hard to notice the difference between superficial, online connections, and real, personal connections.  Not only can social media allow us to second-guess our own lives, they also strip us away from them. As Hephzibah Anderson puts it in his article on FOMO, “We’re too busy tweeting about the scent of those roses actually to breathe it in.”

It’s never too late for a change – 3 steps to avoid FOMO:  

 1.     Be Proactive: Don’t wait for an invite or a notification -  be proactive and create your own events. If you feel you missed out because you weren’t invited to last week’s game night? Host this week’s game night. Not only will you feel less left out, but you will also be surprised how many incoming invites will be received from sending one out.

**Living in the DC Metro area and need ideas about what to do?  Visit Sonya Lowery’s World Next Door TV for incredible adventures in your own backyard.

**Not in D.C.? Not to worry! Sites like Meetup, and Livingsocial, are great to find or create offline events in any area.

2.    Social Media is Shallow:When you’re feeling left out because your life doesn’t feel as exciting as what you see on Facebook, remember social media sites rarely show the whole picture of a person’s life. People tend to portray a persona online, promoting themselves and allowing others to see them in a way they want to be seen; dirty laundry is rarely aired.

Take for example superstars portrayed with a flawless perfect life. Not until Jay-Z’s song “Glory” (a tribute to the birth his and Beyonce’s new daughter, Blue Ivy) aired with the lyrics; “Last time the miscarriage was so tragic, We was afraid you disappeared but nah baby, you magic,” did fans know about the couple’s tragic miscarriage.  No one knew the truth behind the glossy magazine covers.  No life is perfect – no matter their FB status!

3.    Create Social Boundaries

1. Set a certain time of the night when your laptop will be closed and phone turned off.

2. Limit yourself to only one “status update” a day.

3. Leave work at the office, or during “work hours.”

Minimizing distractions allow you to have a better time doing what we’re already doing; watch that sunset, enjoy the concert, talk with your children. Cat Greenleaf of Talk Stoop promotes this in her L.U.S.T. campaign to Look Up and Stop Texting.  “LUST isn’t saying we should NEVER text – just that adding a measure of control can add so much to our experience of being alive.”

Sooner than later, we may find ourselves at a crossroads between making the Internet our lives vs. a small reflection of them; avoid FOMO by living a life you love off-line, too! 

Special thanks to contributing writer Melanie Kozak for this great piece. 

Hello readers! My name is Melanie Kozak. I am currently a spring intern at HerExchange, and a women’s studies and journalism double major at The University of Maryland. I am from Jefferson, a lovely small town in Maryland that finds itself on the Potomac River nestled on the boarders of West Virginia and Virginia. I am a self-proclaimed feminist and am passionate about global human rights issues, and of course my Border collie, Sam. I’d love to receive feedback from my readers, Melanie@HerExchange.com.

“My sisters, my daughters, my friends, find your voices!”  President of Liberia and Nobel Peace Prize winner, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

In 2012, with resolutions to loosen our pants and fatten our wallets, I wonder if we could add a new resolution to the list; let’s resolve to find our voices.

The 2011 Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to three women who fought injustice, dictatorship, and sexual violence in their home countries of Liberia and Yemen: 1) President of Liberia, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, 2) Leymah Roberta Gbowee, founder of Women of Liberia Mass Action for Peace Campaign, and 3) Tawakkol Karman, Yemini revolutionist.

This was the first time the award has been received by three women(YES!). However, this is not all these women have in common. They are all “regular” women whom decided to speak up and unrelentingly fight for peace. Even imprisoned and threatened with death, they haven’t stopped fighting for what they believe in.

They also urge “regular” women around the world to get involved, enter the conversation, and find their voices.

“If women were part of decision-making in most societies, there would be less exclusive policies and laws that are blind to abuses women endure,” said Gbowee during her Nobel lecture.

The voices of women aren’t just underrepresented in countries facing tyrannical dictators, but in democracies – even on the Internet.   A 2010 study stated that less than 13% of editors on Wikipedia were women.  Male knowledge dominates the greatest collection of information on the web.   Ladies, it’s time for a change. 

3 ways to find your voice.

 1. Your voice matters – Had Gbowee not found her voice and stood up in church one day to speak out against the violence of the Liberian civil war, if she had not urged women to join her in peaceful protests, protests which led to peace talks and, eventually, a resolution, then who knows what Liberia’s current state would be. One woman. One voice. The end of a war.   You don’t have to end a war or win a Nobel Prize.  Know that when you speak up, in the bedroom or boardroom, it matters – your voice matters.

2. Start small – Every woman doesn’t need to quit her job, buy a cape, and become wonder woman. Find your voice in small ways: Comment on something you wouldn’t usually on Facebook, or yes, even make an edit on Wikipedia.

3. Find your passion – These women had no other incentive besides a passion for peace. What is your passion, what is something you are willing to speak up about? How to find your passion? Look for the one thing you can barely keep your mouth shut about. Having a passion about something makes you want to voice your opinion, to talk about it, to fight for it.

I heard somewhere that we should try to do one thing a day that scares us; maybe for some of us this is speaking our minds when we otherwise wouldn’t. When we come to a crossroads between silence and speech, whether it’s at work, at home, or even online, let’s make the pledge to voice our opinions. Let’s not be JUST 13% anymore!

You never know whom you’ll inspire, what you’ll accomplish, and what you’ll find out about yourself.

Hello readers! My name is Melanie Kozak. I am currently a spring intern at HerExchange, and a women’s studies and journalism double major at The University of Maryland. I am from Jefferson, a lovely small town in Maryland that finds itself on the Potomac River nestled on the boarders of West Virginia and Virginia. I am a self-proclaimed feminist and am passionate about global human rights issues, and of course my Border collie, Sam. I’d love to receive feedback from my readers! Mel1829@terpmail.umd.edu.

Every relationship has high points and low points. Some of the most smitten kittens disagree about major issues like money and religion. The significant challenge of sharing our personal space, our fridge, our weekends, our toilet, and our paycheck make building a successful relationship the most difficult task on earth.

If even the best relationships are a challenge, how are we supposed to know when we are in the right relationship?  Before you decide, ask yourself 3 very important questions:

1. Do the good times outweigh the bad?

2. Do I let him influence my daily life? Do I influence his?

3. Can I deal with our differences in opinion forever?

Let’s take a closer look at each:

1. If you’re in a lasting relationship, the good outweighs the bad. By a whole hell of a lot. Statistically speaking, partners that stay happily together share twenty positive interactions for every one negative interaction. No joke! But, here’s the clincher: happy couples do not experience less negative emotion, they simply experience a lot more good times. In other words, bad times are not a problem. But, if you and your boo fight a lot and laugh a little, it may be time to start packing your bags.

2. Besides having more good times than bad, successful relationships depend upon both partners willingness to accept influence from one another. Beyond the sex, your romantic relationship is different from all other friendships because you invite this person to influence your life. Perhaps you change your plans when this person has an important request, or decide to eat at a Chinese restaurant instead of having Thai. Hell, maybe you’re even willing to change your religion…or your last name. In order for a relationship to succeed both partners need to be willing to accept influence from one another.

If you have zero desire to change anything about your daily habits, your future plans, or your attitude…chances are, that you can find a man that you like better than the one you’ve got. On the other hand, if you think you’ve found Mr.Right, and up until now you’ve been Little Miss Set-In-Her-Ways, get over it, before he gets over you! As for your man, if he never seems willing to budge on issues that are important to you – like where to eat dinner tonight, or what to wear to your parent’s house for Christmas – he’s either not that into you, or too immature for a real relationship.

3. Here’s the final secret you should know when picking your life partner: there are two types of problems that you and your partner will face, solvable problems and perpetual problems. Studies on thousands of couples reveal that 69% of relationship problems are perpetual. In other words, if you disagreed about it when you were twenty, you will probably still disagree when you’re seventy. When you pick your partner, you are picking your set of perpetual problems. So make sure the issues that you and your partner argue about are disagreements that you can live with for the rest of your life. Perpetual problems are not all made equal. For example, it is easier to live happily with someone who has different spending habits than with someone who has different beliefs about the meaning of life. Decide what you can live with, and what you can’t.

So, should you stay or should you go?

SPECIAL THANKS to Sara Oliveri for this great post!

Sara specializes in relationship, family, and quality of life consulting. Sara is one of less than 300 people in the world to earn her Master’s degree in Applied Positive Psychology – the scientific study of optimal human functioning. 

With her powerful background as a wellness coach and positive psychology practitioner, Sara equips individuals to build resilient families & relationships and to achieve their highest quality of life. Sara also coaches managers and executives to create an environment where employees work at peak productivity while building strong relationships.

Described by her clients as wise, practical, and inspirational, Sara empowers clients to create satisfying lives and strong relationships. Visit www.saraoliveri.com for more!